chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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