I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
try to milk me bitch
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