Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
