Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sorry my hands just texted you
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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