Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
