I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
