I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
