You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
