I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
