I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
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She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
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I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?