Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She's the barista slut.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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