I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
