i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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