i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
