I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
