dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
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It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
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He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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