just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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