She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
