just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
