This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
