It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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