I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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