My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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