Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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