Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Found your dick twin last night
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
