everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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