so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
