if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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