If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
