Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
