Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize