Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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