My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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