I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
