he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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