i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Sorry about my life...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
