i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
