I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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