News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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