ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
