I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
