You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
