Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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