she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
