we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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