"it" just moved
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
