Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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