$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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