im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My balls are so social today.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
