I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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