I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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