The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
