some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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