Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
