i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
