Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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