The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
