they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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