Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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