I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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