honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
