They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
