Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
