why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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