Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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