p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
