problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
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I just found puke in my bra..
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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