Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
