I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
