He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize