Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
