I want to stick my p in your. b.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
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We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
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TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize