i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
