I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
