I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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