When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
