If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
